hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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