yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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