Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
