happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm both gender and math confused
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
