Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
