we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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