I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
