Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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