it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
