areolas are like halos for boobs.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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