if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
