porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
