I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
