I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
of course. lets lasso hookers.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
