Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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