How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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