Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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