He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
dude. I can hear the air.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
