The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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