Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
