she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
