and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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