i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
