She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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