I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
