Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
