bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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