She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
