On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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