Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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