Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
