I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Church boner. Awkwardddd
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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