He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
