I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
