I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
