Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
