I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I enjoy the company of your penis
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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