I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i will never coherently bang her
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
