Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
