It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
