At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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