Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
