Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
