I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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