well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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