The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
