do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
3pm strippers are depressing
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
