So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
