She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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