I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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